As many of you would have guessed, I abruptly stopped posting to A Mind Alley almost a year ago. The reason for that is basically, life took over at that point. I had intended to come back to doing A Mind Alley but didn't want to do it any injustice by doing a one-off and half-hearted post every now and then. To sum up, I started an internship with a legal charity to help support vulnerable European citizens in the UK (and then got promoted to paid staff there), went through a break up just after Christmas, and then had the dreaded pupillage cycle from January - May. I'm glad to say the latter will be my last... I actually got offered pupillage this year!!
That said, thankfully, I'm now in a position to re-take on the mantle and get back to blogging. I've learned a lot about myself over the past year and there's so much that has happened to me. I also thought that a post like this would time nicely as we start to make the transition to a post-COVID and vaccinated world.
Just in case anyone is interested, here are my two related blog posts: the first on mental health issues arising from lockdown (here) and the second on COVID-19 more generally (here).
"We hold out, we hold on, I'm older, colder, here it comes light up my sky." - Stereophonics (We Share The Same Sun)
Much like everyone else, I've had a massive fluctuation in my mental health due to the restrictions. It started off without being too much of an issue because I liked being detached, but after a while it felt like being trapped and cabin fever began to set in. In a strange way, these restrictions have become the norm. It's now standard practice to wear a face mask, to keep a distance away from people and to use hand sanitiser regularly after handling different things. These norms have now engrained the need to keep 'safe' into our minds. From a lot of conversations I've had with friends, their anxiety has soared due to the pandemic, especially when other people have not been adhering to the government's guidance. I've also found that I get particularly annoyed when I see people not wearing their masks correctly. There is a lot of merit in this point,; there has been scientific research (see here) into the mental health consequences of the pandemic. That set of problems, I've covered before and are in my above links.
The situation is changing now: the UK is slowly coming out of lockdown. The question has become: "how do I adapt to going back to normality?". A lot of what I'm going to cover has been dealt with in some form in my previous COVID posts, but will be tailored to be future-facing situations.
Take Your Time
This may seem like an obvious one, but it is completely understandable to experience a mixture of feelings given the news that lockdowns are started to be lifted. As I alluded to above, we're now in a new 'normal'. Humans are creatures of habit and don't like change, even if it is for the better. When we think about the fact that we now have our lockdown 'routine' (or our own personalised version of it), it seems daunting to break out of that. That is natural. Some people will not have any issue in transferring back. However, for those of us who suffer from anxiety and other mental health issues, it's a bit more complex. For that reason, I want you to focus on YOU and take things at your OWN pace. Every person is different, so please don't fall into the trap of comparing your progress to someone else's. If you need a bit less time, that's great. If you need more time to adjust, that's also completely fine.
Sure, there are some pre-COVID aspects of life you’ve really missed (mine, for example, is having a coffee in a coffee shop whilst reading a book and watching the world go by on my day off), but it is also normal to feel anxious or worried about the future. This is especially so when you're required to get out of your comfort zone again and to navigate situations you haven’t experienced for a long time. One example that comes to my mind would be the daily commute to work - dreadful in the winter with the common cold being passed around, and awful in the summer because you've got some sweaty person leaning up against you!
The key to overcoming this discomfort and these challenges is to firstly recognise the difficulty, and to then take things one step at a time. You could even give yourself a reward for getting through a tough situation. If you find you're struggling with the transition, perhaps consider talking to someone you trust (family or friend) to see if they can give you any pointers.
Just to apply this to my life so you can all see a working example; I've gone down the route of slowly building myself up. During the last few months I had a daily walk. From there I started to get a takeaway coffee. A few days ago, I had my first sit-in coffee in over 15 months, and it was glorious. I'm also keeping myself limited to seeing my driving instructor (for lessons of course) and friends (when playing football each weekend at the local sports centre). That for me is a start and will keep me going as I slowly get used to normality once again.
Plan Ahead
This was actually mentioned to me recently; but consider the situations that you're feeling particularly worried about (those ones that make your stomach turn) and explore what you could do to help ease your worries. The example I used above was with work and public transport. You could think about alternative means of travel, or possibly travelling at a quieter time. The same could be applied to things such as the gym - going at off-peak times would help reduce stress. One final example could be working arrangements: some people may be particularly conscious about returning back to the office. If this is the case with you, perhaps it may be beneficial to have a conversation with your boss or HR department. They may be able to find a means of condensing your hours in the office and accommodating a split between office work and working from home.
Whilst this is helpful to do, it's important not to go too far the other way on it and to over-plan. The problem with that is you're then living from a script with no wiggle room - as we all know, life doesn't follow one and likes to throw curve balls at us all the time! That could potentially backfire in that knowing the situation hasn't "gone to plan" may make you feel vulnerable.
If You're Struggling
If after some time, you find yourself still getting very anxious or you are struggling to adapt, consider seeing a therapist; they are professionals with many years of training and experience and are able to help with the personalised issues that you face. I want to dispel any kind of myth or stigma around therapy: having done it twice myself, I'm very much a supporter of the process and found it useful. Considering or going to therapy does not make you weak, nor does it mean that there is something fundamentally wrong with you/you're a failure. For me it's the opposite. If you are able to recognise the problem, speak to someone about it and then go through that tussle, that says so much about your character. You should be proud of yourself. This is an option that is worth considering, and enables you to identify and formulate coping mechanisms, which can be applied to any possible situation in life. You can read my first post on my therapy history, here. I also have a great guest piece from a dear friend from the US. Their name is E, and you can see their post here.
Look After Yourself
Again, this might seem painfully obvious, but it's something that is often overlooked. I'm especially guilty of this (he says whilst drafting this particular article at 1:15am on a Sunday). I've said in the past that the idea of being stuck at home with very little opportunity to go out is one which, to me, seems to be hell on Earth. I've tried to manage that during lockdown but now we're coming out of that stage, I've had to change my approach. The following list contains some ideas which I've tinkered with to make sure my mental health does not suffer (the idea is that if my mental health is supported by these things, I will be in a stronger position going forward to deal with everything and less likely to have a panic attack or relapse into my depressive state):
Do not stay in the same room for the entire day. Ideally, you would want to move about the house - this will tend to help with mood. If you were to stay in bed all day, that would cause problems with 'sleep hygiene', and thus could have a knock on effect with your sleep cycle. I have to put my hands up at this point - I've been struggling with the ruined sleep pattern, which is down to Netflix binges. I've started to cut them out and get back to a normal routine, although that is very much a work in progress at the time of writing! I would also suggest opening a window so that there is some form of fresh air circulating the property.
Whilst I'm on the topic, I'll quickly address the point of exercise: going for a walk or a run in a secluded area nearby, if possible, may help. The beauty of this is that you can do it on your own, at your own pace and you can choose the route. That gives you full control over the situation. If you wanted to, you could change the route every so often so you slowly get used to going to busier areas. If, however, you don't like the idea of walking/running by yourself, you could always invite a friend who understands how you feel. In the UK at least, it is now possible to go the gym and/or play sport. Again, take this in stages if this is what you want to do. I've slowly returned to football myself after much anxiety, but my teammates have been quite understanding about my somewhat withdrawn state whilst I get used to things. It may be the case that you too, want to build up slowly. Exercise, however, is important: the additional movement/activity and access to fresh air has been scientifically proven to help with your mood through the release of hormones and endorphins.
Diet. How many of us have both used Uber Eats during this pandemic and received countless discount offer emails from them? My advice? Try to cut them out and save them for special rewards. There is a link between diet and mental health, which I've covered before, here. Having your 5 a day is important: it will give your body the nutrients it needs and will make you feel a lot better generally. Typically, eating processed foods results in a feeling of fatigue/lesser energy. A balanced diet will therefore help in reinforcing your mental health, and will in turn give you some strength with taking on the challenges of a post-lockdown world. To follow on from the diet point: avoid alcohol, drugs and/or smoking. They all have consequences that can have an impact on both the mind and body. These consequences should be avoided at the best of times, even more so during a time of significant change and uncertainty in life.
Medication. If, like me, you're prescribed with anti-depressants, take them. They have a bit of a lag time to first kick in (usually about 2 weeks) but once you start to take them, it's hard to go cold turkey and just stop. They can be a bit frustrating, partially down to some views people have on them, but they're there to help. Make the most of them and take them as prescribed. Whilst they in themselves aren't the complete answer, when combined with other things on this list, I've found them to be pretty helpful.
Personal point: have regard to your a hygiene. For me personally, I find a red hot shower the ideal time to disconnect from the world, my stress and to just relax. A similar option may be to have a bath. Either have the benefit of allowing you to feel a lot more refreshed. On top of that, falling into a hermit-esque kind of lifestyle will make the transition to the post-COVID world much more difficult.
Talk. Talk. Talk. I can't stress this one enough. We all have someone we can talk to: family, friends and/or colleagues. These people we can trust and reach out to if we're struggling with something in particular. They love us unconditionally. Needing to talk about problems or challenges will be quite normal for the first few months (or even 1 year+ for some people) and should be utilised. For those who don't (whether this is you yourself or someone you know) there are charities that are able to assist with people suffering from loneliness. The links to which, I'll include below this post. In the 21st century, we're blessed with the current state of technology; that we can talk to our friends all over the world. One big tip from me is to keep in touch with your friends. If you're having a bad day, speak to them; they will want to help you. This conversation can take so many forms, whether it's a text conversation, phone call/facetime, snapchat or the infamous group chat. It is important to make the most of them and keep your spirits up. You also never know, one conversation you have with a friend may be enough to help them come out of their shell and talk to you about a problem that they are experiencing. I can relate to that, even more so since I started the blog a few years ago!
Social gatherings. If you're wanting to see your friends but are having issues with your anxiety, take a step back. Perhaps it would be best to take small steps at a time, and to meet in smaller groups. In the UK, at the time of writing groups of up to 30 can meet outdoors. That doesn't mean you have to. It might be better for your anxiety to slowly build up to that - meet up with a really good friend that you've been wanting to see for ages for a coffee, go for a walk and take it from there.
Keep busy. I think one thing people are worried about is the fear of missing out, or 'FOMO'. As I say above, it's important to do things at your own pace and to not rush them. Therefore, keeping busy is a great way to keep your mind off of things and prevent overthinking, giving you much needed variation and distracting you from the goings on in the world. A great option is to utilise that energy into the form of a new skill. This could be absolutely anything, such as: learning a language, studying a new field, designing something or learning an instrument. This can help you make the most of your extra free time and help you feel like you're being productive. Whilst you are building up your confidence of getting back into the world, you'll also have something new and exciting to share with people.
As usual, I've provided a series of links below which I hope will helpful:
https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/stress-anxiety-depression/feeling-lonely/
https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/stress-anxiety-depression/loneliness-in-older-people/
https://www2.hse.ie/conditions/coronavirus/self-isolation-and-limited-social-interaction.html
https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/tips-for-everyday-living/loneliness/about-loneliness/
https://www.ageuk.org.uk/information-advice/health-wellbeing/loneliness/
https://www.redcross.org.uk/get-help/get-help-with-loneliness
Finally, I need you to remember something important: you are a beautiful human being. You are loved. You matter. You have so much good that you can offer this world. Be the difference.
Until next time, take care of yourselves,
J x