Therapy

The thought of talking about one's own anxiety and/or depression with someone is a terrifying one. It feels a million times worse when you think about explaining everything to a complete stranger in the form of a therapist. That said, it's important to remember that therapists are professionals with many years of training and experience; they are there to help. I did a few Instagram polls recently, one of which asked my followers whether they had been in therapy. I was astounded by just how many people that I know have been to a therapist for some reason or another. It is because of that, I've decided to look at therapy in this post and my experiences of going through it. It is a completely common thing to go through; there is no shame whatsoever. Many people simply do not speak about it.

I started the therapy process in August/September 2018, after a year of essentially trying (and failing) to "deal with it", as many people would put so bluntly. I went through therapy at the Psychological Services at UCL and I am indebted to them for their simply outstanding work. It really has put me on the right track. I remember waiting for my first therapy session with my assigned therapist, Patricia. The particular therapy I undertook was called Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT). To briefly explain what CBT is, it's a talking therapy that can help you manage your problems by changing the way you think and behave. It's built on the way that thoughts, feelings, physical sensations and actions are interconnected, and that negative thoughts and feelings can trap you in a vicious cycle. Through CBT, the aim is to break out of these vicious cycles.

Ironically, I was sat in the waiting room experiencing a freak out over the process to help me get over both anxiety and depression. I remember cracking a joke about having a flare up as I was going into the first CBT session. From that moment, the negativity in my thought process was being challenged and ripped apart in ways I could never have conceived. I guess one of my concerns prior to therapy was down to not knowing what to expect. As you've probably read from one of my previous posts (the symptoms of anxiety & depression) the feeling of helplessness is one of the main tells of both conditions. I quickly found my flare up was essentially down to wanting to control the variables, which is quite a common trait to have given the circumstances. Over the following sessions, I was challenged by and tussled with my biggest opponent: my mind. It was strange because as the sessions progressed, I talked more openly about my feelings; the barrier preventing me from doing that previously had disintegrated.

Overall, I found the process of CBT extremely helpful; I had told Patricia things that I had never spoken to anyone about before. In a way, I found a weight had been lifted off of my chest. Over time, I created visuals of the cycles that I went through. It was strange to see all of my fears and negativity in a flow chart, but at the same time, there was a huge sense of relief and understanding. I started to see the pattern that emerged in my thinking. To combat this, I've drawn up a positive flow chart, which is full of escapes and ways of nipping these bouts in the bud before they get too big. I'll be honest, I'm not 100% there in terms of getting out of thinking in that particular way, but I'm taking it a day at a time. If I can at least identify and slow down the bouts of negativity/worry/fear, I will eventually get to the point where I find something which works for me and does the job.

If you haven't given CBT a try, it may be worth considering. It doesn't give you a solution to all of the problems. As you can appreciate we're all different individuals; therefore the response to our own struggles is likely to be idiosyncratic.

Remember: you are a beautiful human being. You are loved. You matter. You have so much good that you can offer this world.

Until next time,

J x