Diary: 'Ohhhh, I feel good!'

Whenever I write an article/a post for 'A Mind Alley', I'm conscious of striking a balance between normalising the real, negative side as well as encouraging the prospective, positive side to things. I appreciate that most of the previous posts have been rooted in some form of negative experience. Today's post, as you can tell from the title of this piece, is a much more chipper and upbeat; I hope it is portrayed in such a way. I guess the point of this one is to outline that there are positives waiting around the corner, and sometimes all you need is one bit of positive news to set off a chain-reaction of positivity.

"I wake up to the city of angels, to see my name headlining the coast." - Fitz & The Tantrums (The Walker)

I've previously written about the link between studying and mental health issues, particularly anxiety (you can see that article here). As many of you have found out via my social media channels, I got some really important results back for my masters degree. I'll be honest, my stomach dropped when I received the email. I think that's largely down to the fact that I had spent the majority of my time (with no exaggeration) from May - September writing my masters thesis. There was a lot going on during that time too, and panic set in: what happened if this went wrong? Luckily, that soon turned to celebrations; I'd gotten the grade I wanted. Since then, and over the past week, I've taken some time to reflect on where exactly my life is. I've treated myself to Starbucks most days after court or on my days off, where I've just pondered things whilst having a coffee and watching the world go by. I have realised during my ruminations that I have a new feeling in my pallet, which I've not had for some time: it feels like things have found a way of clicking together.

It's quite possible that I'm making one of the basic errors I've been vigilant in avoiding and told others to avoid: conflating the lack of anxiety with happiness. However, I genuinely don't think this is the case; I've noticed I'm a lot more 'happy go lucky' in my day to day (well, aside from wanting to hibernate but that's purely down to the early nights!). I'd go as far to say that I've found some form of happiness with my own life. That said, I've not changed my approach: I still continue to meditate, I still take my anti-depressants and I still listen to the sound of rain to help remain composed.

There's a noticeable boost in my self-confidence, both in my professional and personal capacity. For example, in court, I feel I've become even more ruthless and appreciative of the grander scheme of things. In a personal capacity, I'm doing things that I didn't used to do; I'm willing to talk to people I've never spoken to before and put everything on the line. The most prolific example of this is my dating life: I've seen a surge in my confidence and activity. I've also found when playing football, I'm a lot more confident in my ability to do things.

Now I know that this is one piece of news, but I found the 'ripple effect' from it rather interesting: one thing has put other developments in motion. Sometimes, all we need is that one thing to kickstart us once again. I'd encourage you to take the time to think about any news you have, and try to find the positivity in it. If you receive good news, use the resulting good feeling and energy in a productive way. It can be the something small and unique to you as an individual, or it can be something big and general. Please do trust me when I say that present Jake is very thankful for the actions of past Jake taking the little victories along the way and building them up - this may genuinely work for you also.

Of course, I'm not sure whether this is permanent, or whether it's a temporary phase. Much like life in general, there is an air of uncertainty around this. If it is the latter, then I can then build on that at a later stage. Whilst all of this remains to be seen, and is relatively academic at the moment, it is a significant silver lining to what I've been going through recently. I wanted to share this experience with you all with the hope that there is something (even if it is tangential) which resonates with you.

Anything can make the difference for you. Fight for those victories. Fight for those silver linings. Fight for those things which can help propel you forward. You've got this.

Remember: you are a beautiful human being. You are loved. You matter. You have so much good that you can offer this world.

Until next time,

J x