The Art of Balancing: Self-Care & Life Commitments

This is the first post which is a response to a request I received a few days ago. It's from a dear friend of mine in the United States, who I have had the pleasure of knowing for 10+ years. For their privacy, I will keep them anonymous. Essentially, they've asked me about balancing competing interests in life: self-care vs life commitments (such as taking care of family, parenting, seeing friends etc.). I think this is problem of balancing (or struggling to balance) is more common than most people think. I hope the below information and my experiences are helpful.

We live in a time where everyone and everything is constantly on the go. The advent of technology has meant it is easier to become side tracked or distracted. If you are a parent, taking care of your children also requires a significant amount of time and commitment. A lack of self-care for parents is likely to cause them to feel stressed out and overwhelmed, which potentially makes it tougher to be empathetic and patient. It's very easy to see how life commitments can overwhelm one's schedule, leaving them with little (or in many cases, no) time for self-care. At this moment, I think it's worth considering this: take care of yourself before helping others. An analogy which comes to mind is one regarding oxygen masks on airplanes: when your oxygen mask appears, it is crucial to put on your own mask before you assist anyone else. It is only when we first help ourselves can we effectively help others. The same principle applies in life generally.

Self-care is not an exact science; it varies from person to person and there is no set formula to success. The important thing is finding a combination which works for you individually. Looking specifically from the angle of time management, there are a few things which can be done to allow a greater balance between self-care and life commitments. I will, however, attempt to do a piece specifically on means of self-care in a future post so you have more information at your disposal.

1. First, consider making sleep part of your self-care routine. Sleep is essential to our wellbeing. By actively working that into your schedule, you are allowing your body some much needed time to rest and recover from the stresses of life.

2. Second, care for yourself by getting organised. This allows you to figure out exactly what you need to do to take better care of yourself. It seems like an obvious and trivial point to be making, however, a small change such as keeping a personal planner or a calendar on the fridge can help you write down all your responsibilities and appointments. I should say at this point, an ex-girlfriend bought me a book which doubled up as a personal planner. I STILL use that book to this day. It is easily the most useful thing someone has ever gotten me. In turn, you will be able to find time for yourself in each day to do what is best for you to take care of yourself.

3. Third, read a book on self-care. By doing so, you open yourself up to the experiences of others. They may have approaches to structuring their self-care which you may or may not find useful - the important thing here is to start to find things which work for you personally. Further, this will allow you to learn more about how to take care of yourself while you are taking care of yourself.

4. Fourth (and finally), schedule your self-care time, and make sure that this is applied without exception. As I've mentioned, it can be hard to find extra time given life's constraints. However, it’s extremely important to plan regular self-care time. It is during these moments where you can ponder the best ways to move forward and keep you grounded. This can take infinite shapes: walks, baths, movies with friends, listening to music etc.The more you can work self-care time into your schedule, the better you’ll be able to grow, enjoy life, and thrive.

My personal experience is similar to the conventional struggles with finding time. I completely get it, I really do. Those close to me know I will spend hours or even days (and that's no exaggeration) making sure everyone else is happy before I even start to consider my own needs or giving myself a break. Even when the opportunity presents itself, I ended up doing some form of work because I simply have to be doing something, whether it's: an essay, my dissertation, work prep or event planning - the list is almost endless! Carving out time for self-care was something I really struggled to get to grips with when I first started my journey. Because of this, and my need to constantly do something, I have tried to implement self-care into everyday life through small actions. For example, when I wake up, I sit in bed with a cup of tea for a while and practice deep breathing before the day begins. This allows me to remind myself that no matter what is thrown at me through the day, I have the resilience to respond to it. I tell myself I will achieve the goals on my daily to-do list. During the day, I will take a few minutes every few hours to stop to make a cup of tea and to do some breathing exercises. In the evenings, I will schedule in either a nap, or I will listen to the sound of waves crashing on a beach whilst taking 10 minutes to unwind in my room after a long day. I've found by placing self-care moments throughout the day, I've been able to effectively break up any stress which may feed my anxiety.

In turn, it has given me a greater sense of enjoyment from life. I, again, confess this isn't perfect. It is still a work in progress but it is definitely taking shape; that's what matters. Any positive progress is progress nonetheless. It is not a race to find your solution to your problem(s) as quickly as possible. You may well find over time, your approach to coping will change. This is completely normal. If anything, it illustrates how this is a constant in your life: the need for self-care never disappears.

I hope this piece is helpful and answers the request adequately. Please do let me know if that's the case. For everyone else, if you do have a request or topic you'd like me to cover, please do get in touch!

Before rounding off, as usual, I've dug out some useful links:

• https://psychcentral.com/blog/9-self-care-tips-to-put-your-life-back-in-balance/

• https://theblissfulmind.com/2018/09/09/self-care-strategies/

• https://vitalitylivingcollege.info/3-keys-to-self-care/

• https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/joyful-parenting/201708/25-simple-self-care-tools-parents

• https://www.verywellfamily.com/self-care-for-parents-4178010

• https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/click-here-happiness/201812/self-care-12-ways-take-better-care-yourself

• https://www.caregiver.org/taking-care-you-self-care-family-caregivers

Remember: you are a beautiful human being. You are loved. You matter. You have so much good that you can offer this world.

Until next time,

J x